I just end cutting my fingernails and Aiman's. All my family members are home except for Papa who is fetching Aizzah from her Religious Class at Masjid Darul Ghufran. Aqmal, Boboy, is still sleeping. NekCik(Grandma's sister) is at my house too. Mama was reading the Berita Harian when she told me to join the Anugerah Screen. It's not that I am not interested but the audition today is the last day and till 1700hrs. I am not prepared mentally.

Well, yesterday was my shift to work on Saturday. After work, Mdm Jehan and her 2 kids, Teacher Rahimah and myself when to Teacher Sapiah's house near Admiralty MRT as she visited us to her House-Warming. We ate alot! Then we watched Santau. Yeah, I know it's been quite sometimes the movie is out but I have no time to watch it. And yes, all my co-workers have seen how scary-cat I am. It's not that I am afraid of the ghost, but the sound effects macam kurang ajar gitu lorr! *laugh*.

Then about 1715hrs, I went off with Eliani(Yani). We took 168 together. Yani was going to her Aunt's place at Chai Chee, I was on my way to meet Ehnal and his friends at Tampines Safra to play pool. Ehnal knows how to play well. He must be a good aim person. I won too, when I played with Azura and Mizah. I had fun yesterday.

Didn't I tell you that Ehnal was fined by the Custom for the contraband ciggerettes? Yeah, he did! He's paying as soon as possible, probably tomorrow. Now I am thinking to cancel the plan to Pulau Ubin for cycling and just have a small picnic at East Coast Park or not. Poor Ehnal.. Yesterday I just felt uncomfortable with him. I don't know why. He was acting somehow different. I know he is stress, but I don't want him to get the innocent people to be involved.

Okay, I am not going to elaborate more about Ehnal. I just go with the flow. I still wanna take things slow, even slower now. &&Hedir called me yesterday! OMG. How he get my new number?? *thinking*.

It's Thursday at last! Monday till Wednesday were tiring days as I went to school but went off earlier, Tuesday I slacked under the void deck with Ryhan, Arep Palat, Arep Lembut, Khai and Kecik. Ehnal joined us at about 0130hrs. Guess what time I reached home? At 0300hrs!

By the time, it was Wednesday. So I only have 2hrs 30mins of sleep and get ready to go to work with Mama. I went to SATA at Woodlands Civic Centre with Suhairul. I did not take my lunch. Then after work, I went to my night class. I have not get enough sleep yet, so I grabbed the chances when I got the time. Class was boring yesterday. All we did was some Art & Crafts then another Assignment was being given. This time round is Group Assignment. My group consist of another two people; Lynn & Norita.

Now, I am missing someone. I am meeting Ehnal again, as he's inviting me to come along to Clarke Quay later with his another friend. We're not partying, but just chill around. I cannot wait for the time. The clock is ticking very slow. Rizal called me up again, asking about my handphone that he wanna borrow. It's not that I don't allow, but I just feel not secure anymore. &&by the way, what am I gonna say to my parents when I wanna go out later?

Rizal keep calling. I keep on rejecting.
Then he messaged me, "Whats wrong with you? Pick up the phone."
I replied, "I don't entertain liars. Thanks for everything."

I don't know why I was replying him that message.

Then he replied again, "Pe yg I tpu?"
I replied, "Ask yourself. You know the answer best."

I don't know what to answer, so I just pull his legs.

He replied, "Ok.. I'm sorry. I smlm minum ngan dorg smua smp pagi, but to tell the truth we talk about something important."
I replied, "Thanks for everything. Tc. Gdbye from me forever."

And he kept calling me again and again. He even called my house. I don't know what else to say. For me, I'm okay as long as you are honest with me. I don't even control your whereabouts. Now, you are taking advantage. Pleading me to forgive you and cried on the phone. Sorry, I am taking back my love. You are making things worst. Remember you are the one who always say, "Honesty is the best policy"? Mirror yourself, Rizal Salleh. Now, I am all alone.

Welcome back to me, people! I just came back from KL yesterday at about 2100hrs. Not that much fun happen there as there's no other cousin following us along except my siblings, no auto roaming network for me to text or call my friends, no money to shop till drop and always get bullied by my aunties with their hurtful words. I am not going to elaborate more about this.

I called Rizal when I reached Singapore yesterday night. He was on his way to Yew Tee. He did not inform me at all his whereabouts the whole day. Yeah, we're really in a rocky condition now. My second reason for going this holiday trip is to clear my mind too, actually. Then he wanna go Ubi to meet his uncles and cousin. I called him several times after midnight but he did not answer, my messages are just to waste my prepaid. At last he called me after 0345hrs. Whats the first thing in my mind? He went to club or what?? If not, why after 0300hrs? Why he didn't answer my calls? Don't be silly that he cannot hear the ringtone. At the first place, why he have to silent his phone? I don't know what's in his mind. I am not going to call or text me anymore. Let him the the first one doing it. I think I give him too much face till he took advantage again and again.

I woke at 10mins ago, and I've brushed my teeth and tidy my room before I switch on this computer. I plan to post this blog, do my assignments that due tomorrow and wait for Ehnal to wake up. He promised me to watch movie once I come back from KL. And now I am so eager to watch Cop Out. An Belo said it's a funny movie.

I went to work with Mama, taking 969 at 0630hrs shift bus. I usually reached workplace at 0745hrs. Then I'll eat my breakfast with my students. I did not join the sing-along session as I helped Teacher Sapiah to take care of the infants. Yeah, the childcare centre that I am working at has infant babies.

Then Teacher Sapiah returned my favor by doing Scorpion on my hair. It's been so long since Mama style my hair. I felt he emotion when Teacher Sapiah combed my hair and style my hair. I miss Mama's smooth touch and warmth kiss on my forehead. Mama never did that before. Papa did that every morning before he off to work and before he went to bed.

Today Teacher Diyanah took MC. So I worked with Teacher Nani. I showered the children and changed their diapers today. We received a complaint by a "passer-by" about yesterday's incident. It's not really an incident. Just take precaution now than be sorry later. Teacher Nani is very cross with the "passer-by". Actually that "passer-by" is our own staff in our centre. Poor Teacher Nani. The nearer the date of her resignment soming, the more problem she have to face with the senior staffs there. I can't do anything because I'm afraid they'll think I'm on her side, where else I'm neutral. By the way, I did Music and Movements with my students when Teacher Nani end her shift at 1640hrs, before I can't go off at 1700hrs.

I am supposed to go home with Mama. We planned to meet at Seletar Camp bustop but she said she'll be late as she hasn't go off from her centre. So I took 969 home. Now it's 1857hrs and Mama just reached home. I reached home about 30minutes ago. Luckily I didn't promise anything with Mama.

I went out to meet Rizal, Diyanah and Mamat at almost midnight. Rizal bought me a box of Menthol then we spent time together. Rizal and me went to have our breakfast-lunch at Bedok. Mamat and Diyanah took the train home.

We went to Tampines Library as I'm looking for some ideas for Rizal's birthday on April 04, 2010. I hope it's gonna happening with fun people around. I decided to make this ice cream cookies for him. What do you think?

We then went to watch kites opposite Tampines Bus Interchange before he sent me home. I know we'll not be meeting each other for 2weeks from now as I am going to KL soon. Don't worry, dear. I'll be fine and I'll sure come back.

Now, I am tired. I have already iron Daddy's Police Uniform, packed my KL Trip clothes and prepare things for tomorrow's work. Yeah, I'm single but not looking. Don't ask me why.

I went for my half-day shift on today and I did not have enough sleep. Rizal spent the whole night at my house till 0430 and he took the first bus home. I slept while he's on the way home and he woke me up at 0520hrs. By the time, he was already at the Kallang area.

I took my shower and get myself ready to work. I had my breakfast at my centre and I watched the VCD with my students. I had a long talk with Teacher Nina about the routine and I am able to do it independently. I had no trouble doing my tasks given by my Supervisor or any teachers so far. I still a lot of things to learn and I am willing to sacrifice my time.

I spent almost an hour at the Chong Pang bustop, waiting for my parents. I was so fed-up by then. I hate waitings. Who does? Then we went to the wedding invitation by my mum's side. And I swear I've forgotten that I have to bring along my Baju Melayu. Guess what I was wearing to wedding ceremony? A T-shirt with 3/4 Jeans. *laugh*. Never in my life I wore that type to a function.

Then my family, PakNgah's family and PakBusu's Family went to visit Selamat's dad at Hougang. He had a ByPass Operation. He's strong enough now. Thank God that he's okay.

Now, I am waiting for Rizal to reach me. I don't know why since I end work just now, he keep raising his voice. Maybe he's tired or too tensed with his situation of having two jobs. But don't involve me too in this problem. He wants me to support him, but he's there doing things difficult for me to handle. I am too tired now. Will post again. &&I miss my natural curly hair!

Today is my second day of my MC, or I should say it's the last day. I went to SATA Woodlands early in the morning with Rizal. Planned to meet him at 0845hrs, but I woke up at 0800hrs due to Papa's call. Thanks to Papa, if it's not because of his call, I'll be sleeping till afternoon.

I had my chest X-Ray taken, the nurse took my blood for test, height and weight taken too but not the urine test as it takes 5days after last menses then I can have the urine test taken. Since my menses end last 2 days, I have to come back on the March 15, 2010 during lunch time. Okay, let me tell you about my height and weight. I've grown up with the height of 154cm and my weight is 53kgs. I gained 3kgs since countdown. Oh my God. But I'm happy with my life now.

Now, I am waiting for Rizal to end his part-time work. Then I thought of meeting him. I miss him. I'll be working tomorrow and I expect Rizal to fetch me after work, even though he got an appointment at 1500hrs.

I was awake by 0530hrs. Took my shower and I realized that I got pink eyes. I didn't think of anything. Maybe because yesterday I cried to sleep. I missed Rizal so much. I didn't know I am changing. I'm sorry, Rizal. I always give you a hard time and I'm sorry I keep blaming you everything.

I arrived work at about 0745hrs and I was told to go home due to the pink eyes. Oh my God! I can't believe that it's turning obvious red. At first, only my right eye was red and now slowly the left one is affected too. Poor me have already traveled from Tampines to Woodlands, spent less than 30mins in workplace and have to leave. So I phoned Rizal. Papa called me too. I told them what happened.

I was home by 1030hrs and I was so sleepy. I phoned Rizal before I took my 7hrs nap. I was awaken by an unknown number message, asking me where am I. I didn't reply as my credit is low and I don't entertain unknown numbers.

Now, I am waiting for Rizal to fetch me and accompany me to the clinic. My throat is aching too. Guess I'm having sore-throat too with running nose. *sigh*. I miss my children.

I was awake by 0530hrs. Took my shower and I realized that I got pink eyes. I didn't think of anything. Maybe because yesterday I cried to sleep. I missed Rizal so much. I didn't know I am changing. I'm sorry, Rizal. I always give you a hard time and I'm sorry I keep blaming you everything.

I arrived work at about 0745hrs and I was told to go home due to the pink eyes. Oh my God! I can't believe that it's turning obvious red. At first, only my right eye was red and now slowly the left one is affected too. Poor me have already traveled from Tampines to Woodlands, spent less than 30mins in workplace and have to leave. So I phoned Rizal. Papa called me too. I told them what happened.

I was home by 1030hrs and I was so sleepy. I phoned Rizal before I took my 7hrs nap. I was awaken by an unknown number message, asking me where am I. I didn't reply as my credit is low and I don't entertain unknown numbers.

Now, I am waiting for Rizal to fetch me and accompany me to the clinic. My throat is aching too. Guess I'm having sore-throat too with running nose. *sigh*. I miss my children.

Today is my second day working at Global Child Development Centre at Woodlands. Thanks, Madam Faridah, for the recommending the centre, thank you to Madam Jehan for hiring me and thank you too to Ms Sina for calling me to inform that i am accepted by the company. I just reached home from work, before that I went to Fairprice near my place to buy Rizal's Snake Powder.

It's been fun and the clock is ticking really fast when I took care of Playgroup class. I was late for work acutally but I pay back the time. Early in the morning, I let the students have their breakfast, sing-along session and I let them play toys after that. At abt 1130hrs, they'll have their lunch and either me or Teacher Diyanah will shower them. But now it's been two days I've been doing it. I don't mind. Then I'll give them their milk and pat them to sleep. When they're asleep, that's when all the teachers will have our lunch together and I'll call Rizal after that.

At about 1500hrs, my students will be awaken by then. We'll serve their tea breakI'll change their diapers and wash their faces. In the classroom, Teacher Diyanah will put on powder for them and comb their hair. When they're done, we get them to wash their hands before they can play the toys again. About 1700hrs, Teacher Diyanah or me will tell them a story. At about 1730hrs, all the students will be watching the VCDs Cartoon while waiting for their parents to fetch them.

By the time, my shift has end. I got a fixed shift from 0800hrs to 1700hrs. I went home with Yani. I still hasn't got to work and learn lots of new things and centre own procedures from Teacher Nina as she's still on MC. Whatever I've learnt from Jamiyah Childcare Centre, I'll conduct the same at my new workplace centre. I wanna make this as my career and I'm loving it even though it's not an easy job dealing with young human being, shaping their characters and expanding their mind with more knowledge.

I just end removing my nail polish. It's a tiring day for me since yesterday. I went to have Sheesha at Haji Lane with NanaShawty, Hannah, Ahzan Ciner, Ray and Ray's friend. NanaShawty and me took some pictures taken by Hannah. It's fun exchanging thoughts with someone who you seldom meet. I miss those fun when all of my girlfriends still stick together. Now we're all busy with our own things.

I had my family chalet yesterday at Costa Sand Pasir Ris. Lots of my relatives did show up, including Rizal. It feels like years I last meet him when actually we just met last few days back. Rizal promised me to show up at abt 1500hrs but you try to make a guess what time he came. 2130hrs! Yeah, janji melayu. I just want him to overcame his fear with my family. I understand that it's hard for him to really "expose" himself due to his tattoo and my family reputations. If you really love me, it's not hard for you to do anything for me, right?

Rizal spent the night with my relatives and me. We swam at the swimming pool and played Captain's Ball and Poison Ball in the pool. We had so much fun. I am happy as Rizal make his effort to show me that he really wanna overcome his fear. Then we played Monopoly after Grandma arrived.

Pakngah sent us home by lorry. Rizal helped me to carry some stuffs. Then he followed me to buy Nail Polish Remover. He went back from my house at about 1945hrs and he went back home. He's coming back to camp tonight.

Thank you for all the efforts and letting me to voice out, Rizal. I love you always. Stay strong, okay? I know we can do it. *hug tight*.

I just end brushing my teeth. I am so shagged due to the fights with Rizal yesterday night. Well, I slept alone yesterday. I hate it when Rizal starts his attitude again and again. He said he wanna change, but he's not trying hard enough. I miss my Rizal.